and now, a newtunes election moment…

Recently, I’ve had this email sent to me a few times from various friends of mine:

“Dear Red States:

We’re ticked off at the way you’ve treated California and we’ve decided we’re leaving.

We intend to form our own country and we’re taking the other Blue States with us.”

Full text here.

I figured that since someone wrote that, there had to be a rebuttal. There is:

“Dear Blue States:

We’ll finally be rid of you lazy, moping, latte-sucking Streisand fans now that you’re actually going to follow through–for once–on your promise to finally get off your butts and leave, as so many of you claimed you would every election cycle and then chickened out of actually doing. (Yeah, we’re looking at you, Alec Baldwin.)

But not so fast. You don’t get to take all the Blue States with you–just the Blue parts.”

Full text here.

It’s obvious to me, and many across the fruited plains, that there seems to be a division in this country and nothing seems to be able to reconcile. There’s the conservative philosophy of doing things and the liberal philosophy (well, there are others, too, but those are the two biggies).

Having read both the “red states” letter and the “blue states” letter, it suddenly occurred to me what we needed to do. Split.

All of those who believe in the conservative philosophy should move to the right side of the country, and all of those who believe in the liberal philosophy should move to the left side of the country.

Sure, there’ll be some growing pains for both sides as the highways are congested with people moving their homes from one side to the other and all. But once that’s sorted out, each side can start governing.

Both sides can decide to live by the constitution, or they can make necessary changes… or scrap it all together.

Then in 10 or 20 years, we can have a LUSA and CUSA summit to see who’s doing better. I’m pretty sure one side will be doing better than the other (because they can’t both be right, can they?), and at the summit, they’ll compare key stats and decide that one of the two ways was obviously better than the other.

At that point, we can reunite. The winning side will get one chance for one resounding “I told ya so,” and then we’ll never speak of it again and live in glorious unity… until everyone who was around for the great experiment have died and all that’s left are a bunch of people saying “well… they just didn’t have the right people running it.”

Remember, don’t vote unless you want to.


1 Response to “and now, a newtunes election moment…”

  1. November 6, 2008 at 3:15 pm

    What about just having Civil War II? We were noticing on election night how the red and the blue seemed to be rather lining up along Union and Confederate lines. Although the red states probably have more guns.

    I’d like to think it’s not as bad as it often seems to be, however. I think it’s a loudmouth few on both sides who are making the divide seem worse than it is.

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